Check, 1-2 Is this thing on?

I think now is an ok time to discuss something I did a while ago.

Let’s take this whole thing back a few steps first:  I haven’t had a meaningful relationship in quite some time, and quite frankly I was starting to feel like I needed someone to bond with.  Roughly seven months ago I said to myself, “Self…you’re a fabulous person and you should share your fabulousness with someone just as fabulous.  Go get ‘em tiger!”

This is where the story gets kinda funny and really stupid:  I joined an online dating site.  Yes, seriously.

I kept it a secret from my parents (like I’m 12 again) because I had a feeling they would straight-up scalp me if they knew I was meeting dudes online…in person.  I also kept it a secret from my friends because if I thought the whole thing was silly, they would think it was even sillier.  Is that a word? Anyway… 

Covered in the slobber of my new found confidence, I went to town creating a profile, complete with my most dashing photos (so, like, 3?).  In the back of my mind I was screaming “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”  I called myself every name in the book.  Did that stop me? Of course not! Now, I do not necessarily condone online dating activities, but I’m not totally against it.  I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Meet a weird dude, give him your phone number, he somehow finds your address, stalks you for a month, you end up dead in a broom closet at your local gym (like I work out…), then you’re on the news.   I know, I know, it’s very real and I shouldn’t joke about it… 

Soon enough my inbox was flooded with emails.  No, I’m not saying this to make myself sound cool because honestly, anything I say from here on out is going to make me sound like a complete online-dating moron.  They were, in a weird way, flattering.  And in a flattering way they were weird…? Of course I got weird messages! That’s what online dating sites are all about!

Did I meet anyone? The answer is yes.

Did I meet anyone worthwhile? The answer is no.

For now, this is what my experience can tell you:  If you’re looking for complete weirdos ranging from 42 year old sex addicts to insecure 20 year old llama owners, a FREE online dating site is the way to go.

To be continued…

New Newish News Newt

Holy crap.  More like holy s**t.  As I sit here with my cat draped across my arms, cutting off circulation and complicating my typing efforts, I have updated my blog.  I know, I know, it's nothing special.  BUTTTTT I didn't know that I could change the background with the template I was using.  See what my college degree has done for me? Impressive.  So now my pointless stories will appear mostly in black and white, hence the name of the blog.  I'm rollin' with a zebra-ish background and the title color may change with the seasons.  Right now it's green because I love Christmas.  Zebra print and Christmas--how perfect.

Such. A. Nerd.

I have nothing more to offer right now.  Aren't you glad you wasted your time reading this? I promise I'll have something less boring next time I post.

I knew this was coming...

Snow.

Yes I was born and raised in the fine state of WI.  Yes it snows ev-er-y year.  Yes I'm sick of it.  "If you don't like it, move!" How about, no? How about if you love the snow so much, you move to Alaska? Hmmmmm? Didn't think of that, did you? Didn't think so.

I know we've had a very mild winter so far, as far as snowfall goes.  My main problem isn't even the snow.  It's the cold.  Sure, one could argue that when it's cold it snows, therefore I hate snow.  I guess that's not totally false.  To give you a better idea as to how I truly feel about snow, I compiled a list of things I hate about snow and things I hate doing in the snow:

1. EVERYTHING.

And let's be honest, you like snow, you DO NOT like the cold.  You belong in Colorado where it snows 3 feet, but you can go shovel in a t-shirt.  You DO NOT like walking to class when it's -20 and feeling like severing off your own limbs with a butter knife.  Why you would carry a butter knife to class with you is beyond me, but it made my point.  You DO NOT like scraping inches of ice off your car.  You DO NOT like having to nearly bust your door handle to get into your own damn vehicle because it's FROZEN SHUT.  You DO NOT like driving on the freeway and having to use an entire jug of windshield wash to keep the sh**-slush off of your windshield.  You also DO NOT like walking through all the nasty sh**-slush and having your feet get wet.  If you DO like that, please let me know, because you deserve to own that butter knife I mentioned earlier. 

Come to think of it, you're probably someone fortunate enough to have a garage.  If you DO have a garage and don't use it, I'll send you another butter knife--personalized...gift wrapped...shipped for free...

Just for the record, the first significant snowfall is usually 3% enjoyable.  I was going to say 2% but that reminds me of milk which has nothing to do with this pointless story.  I admittedly admired the snow in the street lights AND made a heart in the fluffy snow in the parking lot.  

Look! I even scrounged up photos of me in the snow!!

I was outside for 15 minutes:

I was forced to do this:

You also DO NOT like this:

K I'm done.  :)

 

The Downside of College

What goes up must come down.

Below are some great and not-so-great cons to being a college student...

1. You're on your own.  You rarely have time (or motivation) to enjoy the one thing you could really use: a home cooked meal.  Alternating between campus food, mac n cheese, and ramen gets old fast.
2. Sure, nobody is nagging you to do your work, but the amount of homework you have is nagging enough.  Most nights it feels never ending.  Additionally, each professor assumes their class is the most important class in the universe and assigns everything they possibly can.  Professors also like to have secret meetings to determine which day they'll have everything due.  
3. You meet people who drive you absolutely nuts.  There will always be the know-it-all, probably a few in every major.  Once you meet said person, you will feel as though there's a monkey on your back...or something like that.
4. Getting involved sounds great! IF you enjoy a complete lack of sleep and/or social life. 
5. Opinions are welcomed, but truthfully, nobody gives a s***.  None of your thoughts count because you're a student which somehow got translated into baby.
6. Yay! Discounts! ...that totally SUCK! 5% off my groceries? I'm not a math whiz, hence why I'm a MarComm major, but I can tell you that saving $2 on groceries goes completely unnoticed by your wallet.
7. Changing your mind and your major is fine, as long as you don't expect people to care about whether or not it works out or if you end up being successful.  Again, nobody cares.
8. As if working for a measly paycheck, interning for free, and eating ramen weren't bad enough, everyone assumes you want a crap-ton of experience.  Soon enough you'll find yourself doing side jobs (in relation to your major) for free.  Add that to your schedule. 
9. So you've worked your a$$ off only to realize that entry-level now means you need 5 years of experience, a receptionist practically needs a Ph.D, you'll likely be stocking shelves until you get a "real" job which will result in a $2 pay raise, and you're up to your eyeballs in debt.

Livin' the dream.

The Upside of College

I stumbled across some optimism tonight.  Being a rare occurrence, I figured I should document it via my ultra-super-mega lame blog.

Below are some great and not-so-great pros to being a college student...

1. The fantastical allure of being "on your own" and being an adult.  Fun when you're a freshy, possibly rolls over into your sophomore year.
2. Nobody nags you to do your work.  You do what you want, referring back to number 1 about being an adult.
3. You get to meet new people.  Some will be your best friend(s), others will be less than desirable individuals that help you realize how awesome you truly are.
4. There are clubs, organizations, sports, etc. that you can get involved with.  Not only is this another great way to meet people but it's a chance to stay active (unlike myself), make a difference, and/or discover a new hobby or passion.
5. Parties.  I'm sure some of you may be disappointed that this wasn't number one, but you'll get over it after a few drinks.  Parties are plentiful. 
6. You are entitled to your own opinion, and can express yourself.  
7. Hellooooooooooo?? College students get discounts on some sweet stuff: massages, software, travel, groceries, etc.  Nobody expects you to be able to afford anything.  Except landlords, they'll suck you dry.
8. FREE or cheap events on campus such as concerts, dances, yadda yadda.
9. College is about discovering who you are, where you're going and what you want to do, meaning it's ok if you change your major 12 times...though I don't condone such behavior because you'll end up being the creepy 35 year old on campus.  

Z is for

Zen.  What calms you down?

That all depends.  How worked up am I to begin with?

Typically I take the bitch route: Keep bitching about it until I feel better.  This isn't the recommended route to take as I'm sure it thoroughly annoys plenty of people.  But I honestly feel as though the more I talk about it, the less sense it makes and the less I care.  My mom is always a really good sport about it...even when she's not truly listening, she lets me bitch it out and I'm all better.

Another method I like to use is the sleep method:  Sleep for a few hours and wake up feeling like a grand new woman.  You know the "high" feeling people supposedly get from running? (I wouldn't know because I'm fat, lazy, and wayyyyy out of shape...but I've at least HEARD of it!) That's the same kind of "high" I get from napping.  Don't know what it is...but I sure do love it.

Sincere apologies to those that have endured my bitching.  I swear it's for a good cause.  In the meantime, look at how adorable I am when I'm snoozing with my kitty!  :)

Y is for

Youth.  What memories do you have from your childhood?

Where do I even start? I'm convinced I had the best childhood ever.

My fondest memories come from halfway growing up on my grandparent's farm, which my dad and uncle farmed for many years.  There were, of course, barn cats running rampant and reproducing at a rate that would put most rabbits to shame.  Whenever new kittens were born, my brother, cousin and I would "claim" certain kittens to be ours and we got to name them.  Some were brain dead, some had crusty eyes...I wasn't discriminatory.  If there was a kitten to be seen, you can be sure I was dragging it around the farm much like the child is in the photo below...

Fishing with Dad.  Ohhhh boy did I fish with Dad.  I think he had me in a boat as soon as I was able to walk.

Being excited for school.  Sure grew out of that in a hurry...probably because I'm not required to purchase a ruler, 24 count Crayola crayons, two notebooks, two folders, 1 bottle of Elmer's glue, one glue stick (never understood why.  Wasn't one form of glue good enough??), markers, crayon box, and a box of Kleenex to share (I think that's why I hate sharing).

Let's see, what else...Pretty much anything involving Kayla.  I remember she had a doll that I always wanted to play with, but she was a little b**ch and made me play with the stupid one.  

Playing Super Nintendo with Kyle until our eyes bled is another fond memory.  Ka-Blooey, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Super Mario...so...many...hours. 

Whenever there was a family dinner, everyone would rush to pile up their plates before Gramps got to the food.  Good god that man could eat.  

Playing in the sandbox and riding my bike all over hell.  Do kids even do that anymore? Probably not.  Sand is probably "too dirty" and "dangerous" and bikes are never seen without training wheels and a helmet.  Things were so much easier in the 90's.

Snooping for Christmas presents...finding out what we got...getting yelled at for snooping.  

Hiding in the clothing racks with Kayla when our moms would take us shopping with them.  They only freaked out every time we did it.

Getting doll cakes for my birthday until I was about...10? That was always the best. They were similar to the one pictured below...

There are so many more memories from my childhood but I'll try to save your retinas.  :)

X is for

X-rated!

Pshhh, yeah, just like V was for Vagina.

X is for X-treme, because the person that made the alphabet blog challenge couldn't think of anything better.  This is where I'm supposed to talk about something extreme that I have done.

I'm not a huge thrill seeker.  You won't catch me jumping out of planes or swimming with sharks.

I used to be deathly afraid of heights and maybe I still am but only under certain circumstances.  I have been on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building which was amazing.  I also explored the 103rd floor Willis Tower Skydeck which blew my mind. Below are stupendous (slash, gross) photos of me out on one of the ledges.  Loooooved it.

There you have it.  I'm not "X-treme".  

W is for

Wearing.  What are you wearing right now, and what is your favorite outfit?

Kind of a lame question, but here it goes.

Right now I'm wearing a very large t-shirt that reads, "World's Greatest Grandpa", some capri yoga pant things, and one sock (I do typically wear two like the average person but one came off while I was rustling around in my blanket trying to stay warm).  I promise there is a reason why I'm wearing a World's Greatest Grandpa t-shirt.

A few years ago my gramps came to visit, and was wearing this shirt.  Upon entering our house, I took the opportunity to be a complete smartass and ask, "Why are you wearing Richard's shirt??" (Richard is my grandpa).  Everyone laughed.  I thought it was the funniest thing I had said in ages.  Gramps wore the shirt a few more times after that, and we made sure we joked around about it being my other grandpa's t-shirt.  Not only am I currently wearing this outfit, but it is also my favorite because I'm comfy and because it brings back great memories.

I never pictured myself blogging about an outfit and crying while relating it to my grandfathers.  Course, I never pictured losing both of them within a year either.  Love and miss you both terribly.  <3

V is for

Vagina!

Kidding! V is for Vacation.

Well let me tell you...I did not get to go on any extravagant vacations growing up.  I can say that I have visited the fine states of WY, ND, SD, TX, NY, IL and I don't count MN...just because.  And when I say "fine", I'm excluding WY, ND, and SD...just because.  New York City was probably my favorite mini-vacay, minus the lame leadership conference I was forced to attend.  Also minus me not having batteries in my camera when I hopped in a taxi and headed for the Statue of Liberty at 5:00 am.  Pizza was great, people were interesting, almost ended up in the Bronx because I was unfamiliar with the subway...memories.

Eventually I would like to be able to take my family on a cruise.  Come to think of it, it doesn't even have to be a cruise, just something fun and tropical because quite frankly, I loathe WI winters.

I suppose it would be cool to visit Poland and get in touch with my roots.  I'm Polish and damn proud.

U is for

Underdog.  What is one underdog you can't help but stand up for?

I actually find myself standing up for any and every underdog I can.  I like to think it's because I'm open minded, but it's likely because I grew up in a town of 353 people in the middle of nowhere which automatically made me the underdog in every social situation, for whatever reason.  Somehow, graduating with 16 kids (get the laughs out...go ahead...) made me inferior to everyone else who graduated with 400 kids.

Although my tiny school closed a few years after I graduated, my heart still belongs to that tiny town.  Bigger is not always better.  That's not to say I have some kind of life grudge against people who were raised in the city.  That is to say that, no matter how much of an "underdog" you are, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.

Pick it up

Once upon a time I started an alphabet blog challenge.  I didn't finish it.  Why?

I started the alphabet challenge that took up some of my summer, just for fun.  Then one day I just kind of forgot I even had a blog, which is weird because I actually enjoyed writing about seemingly pointless things.  Last night at work I, for whatever reason, remembered I was once a blogging fool and logged in.  To my surprise (yes, it only took me two months to forget what I had written) I realized I left off on the letter S--Smile.  IRONIC! Or maybe just creepy--to me at least.  I've been having a hard time smiling lately, which is just as weird as forgetting I had a blog because I also love smiling.  (awwwww)

I have reason to believe that, no matter how trivial it seems, I left off on "Smile" for a reason:  I would need a reminder later on.  There's no reason why I shouldn't be smiling, but sometimes I allow others to dictate my feelings.  Bad, bad, bad.

T is for Thought.  I have a gazillion thoughts in one day, it'd be hard to talk about just one or even a few.  The one thought that has been looming over me for a while now, is that nobody wants you to succeed.  Graduating in May is proving to be quite challenging because it's a huge yard game involving a series of flaming hoops, while faculty and staff sit around with a cold one in hand, watching, amused, as you struggle to make it through the hoops, and soon enough you're on fire...but nobody puts you out.  So there.

Here's to smiling, blogging, and graduating in May.

S is for

SMILE!

Things that make me smile:

• Someone smiles at me
• Someone sends me flowers
• Family
• My kitty sleeping on me and purring the whole time
• Something really stupid was said or done
• It's part of my job
• Coldstone ice cream
• My smile was expensive...so I use it
• Old couples who are still in love
• Success
• Butterflies
• Margaritas at Mariachi Loco
• Seeing momma deer and baby deer together

R is for

Response and active participation...which is something that didn't happen on the last blog post.

*crickets*

R is also for Reading.  I hate reading, actually.  Once upon a time I read some great book by Nicholas Sparks.  This book was so great that I can't even remember the title.  I also made a book purchase at the DFW airport because I arrived much earlier than anyone should ever arrive at an airport before their flight.  It was overpriced and was a true story about a sugar mama.  Good story but I didn't finish it because the guy sitting next to me on the plane was sweating and shaking due to turbulence.  Such a distraction.

In my spare time I enjoy a nice black and white textbook to stimulate my brain.

*more crickets*

Luckily for me, enthralling textbooks will haunt my every spare moment for the next nine months.  Yay for lots of debt and a printed piece of paper with my name on it.

What are YOU reading?

Q is for

Questions.  Feel free to ask me questions in the comment section.

Keep it clean.  :)

P is for

Poem.  Awww...poetry.  A window to the soul.  Such a beautiful art that can be appreciated by almost anyone.

Poetry sucks.  Why, you may ask.  I feel that anyone capable of punching keys on a keyboard or writing with a pen, pencil, marker, or stick of charcoal is capable of writing what they consider to be a poem.  Much like anyone who can take a picture and edit it with Picnik.com is a photographer.  And anyone who can ramble about nothing with the aid of the internet is a blogger.  Wait, what? Yeah I said it.

I take pictures and edit them because it gives me something to do.  I post them with a disclaimer that I'm not trying to be anything other than a bored person with a camera.  I have written poems, but have not posted them anywhere with the intent of being an acclaimed "poet".  I blog about pointless things for a reason similar to taking pictures:  I'm a bored person with a computer and internet access.

That being said, here's a little haiku that I wrote:

New students scare me
They all look terribly scared
I'm glad I'm not new

There's new student registration going on today, so I figured I would state the obvious in the form of a haiku.

O is for

Old.  What kind of person do you want to be?

When I think of old I think of 70's old but I'm hoping I see 80.  I would like to be the cool, badass little hunched over lady with gray hair that I dye teenage colors.  I will willingly go to WalMart sporting my cat bathrobe, curlers in my hair, and a cigar hanging out of my mouth.  I will flip people off as I fly down the street going 30 on my moped.  The moped will have a Polish flag flying off the back basket, in which will likely be a well-trained kitty.  I'll have some kind of music device professionally fashioned onto my moped so I can roll through (I will not stop) stop signs with the latest hip-hop pulsating through my body.  Chances are I won't be able to hear worth a sh*t so the music will be deafening for those present.  I'll probably be single, and watching Jersey Shore, or something of it's equivalent I'm sure.  I'll dress like I'm 45--how daring.  Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to have all of my own teeth, but that seems rare.  Either way I plan on having a pink grill.  Maybe Megan and I will still go to Boomer's and close the place down...who knows.

I will adopt stray cats and give them to neighborhood children as Christmas, birthday, Valentine's Day, Australia Day, and Leif Erikson Day gifts.

Boom.

N is for

Nothing.  Blog about nothing.

This is about as nothing as it gets.  I have compiled a list of interesting email subjects from emails between my brother and I over the last year and a half or so.  It's up to you to decide whether or not the emails pertained to their subject lines.

1. Pea Soup!
2. I use antlers in all of my decorating
3. BIIIG NEWS! BIG NEWS FROM LONDON!
4. Orange Juice
5. Feel Like P Diddy
6. Bumble Bee Tuna
7. French Toast
8. Scotch Tape
9. Teeaaaa
10. Work Sucks
11. Hamster Droppings 
12. qwerty
13. Cold
14. UPP (Unicorn Protection Pact)
15. Guys Named Todd
16. Rupert
17. Kinnickinnic Picnic
18. Carrot Stress Toy
19. Rubber Cement
20. Hookah
21. Champ Belt
22. What's a Sconnie?
23. Cotton Patch
24. Hey Culligan Maaannn!
25. Rotten Cabbage
26. Overweight Pandas
27. Breeding Habits of the South African Wombat
28. Hicks Spitting on Sidewalks
29. What the hell's diversity?
30. Dead Bloated Rhinoceros
31. Ingrown Back Hair
32. Wheelchairs on Skis
33. Lizard-Proof Bathtubs 
34. Crack Spackle
35. Dinosaur Urinalysis
36. Malnourished Platypus
37. Bug Guts Smeared on Windshields 
38. Elderly Man Saves Pregnant Dolphin
39. Hair Product Buildup
40. Tissues in a Fan
41. Spoontang
42. Purple Carrots
43. Can't Hug Every Cat
44. Cephalopod Mucus
45. Placenta Pate
46. Effing Phone!
47. Dried Frosting
48. Frightened Ostrich

Hopefully that entertained you for a few minutes! Feel free to steal one or all of them as you please to use as your own email subject lines. You don't even need to give us credit!

M is for

MORGAN! Kidding.  I mean, it is technically, but for the alphabet challenge M is for Music.

It's rather amazing how music can make so many emotional ties to different things in life.  I listen to everything because I need different music for different times, situations, and emotions.  One new artist I discovered is Lissie, who does an awesome cover of Kid Cudi's "Pursuit of Happiness".  Music typically gets me through a day.  Music can also influence buying habits.  It can show emotion at important events.  It can make you happy, sad, mad, anxious.  I wonder if people thousands of years ago saw this coming.

One final note:  Just for added emphasis, I like to blast "Friday" by Rebecca Black at work when tours of new students go through the building.  Never gets old.

L is for

Love.  What are you looking for in a significant other?

Funny you should ask.  I feel as though I have rather simple expectations for a relationship, but that doesn't explain why I'm single, does it? Over the last year I've gotten much more comfortable being me and doing my own thing.  Yeah, yeah, "Then why have you been searching for someone??" I've been searching because I think it would be nice to have someone to grow with and experience things with.  Or maybe I'm just looking for someone to tolerate my random outbursts of nonsense.  Perfect! That's the start of the list of things I'm looking for in a significant other:

• Must be able to tolerate my random outbursts.  This includes being able to tolerate the way I speak to my cats.
• Should have close family ties.  I'm very close to my family and would want them to meet and hopefully like them.  And guess what? I'd love to get to know their family! Not after the first date though, I like to save that for the second.
• Should be able to pick up sarcasm I threw down in the previous bullet.
• Shouldn't take things too seriously.  However, should know when to be serious, which includes, but is not limited to: Interviews, professional work settings, police interrogation, bank robbery (assuming you're not someone holding the gun), when I'm crying, and at funerals.  
• Should be doing something with their lives.  Sitting around in your boxers all day eating Cheetos and playing COD does not qualify as doing something with your life.  
• Shouldn't have more hair products than me.  This one doesn't need much explanation.  But if you need an explanation, here it is:  I'm the girl.  
• Drinking four times a week and blacking out, and/or doing drugs also does not qualify as doing something with your life, FYI.
• Don't be an extreme anything.  And before you say anything about my cats, I'll have you know I'm not an extreme case.  Most of the time.

Basically I'm asking that my significant other be a decent individual all around. 

K is for

Kicking the Bucket...share your bucket list!

How morbid.  Creeping up on 23, the last thing I want to think about is death.  On the flip side, it is mildly entertaining to think about the things you want to accomplish, experience, and see in your lifetime.  A better way to think about it may be a list of goals.  Let's go with that--A List of Goals.  Only problem with that is it doesn't fit today's letter.

So here we go: Morgan's Bucket List

• Hot air balloon ride.  I see those things floating over Hudson all the time, and one day one of them landed in my parking lot on campus.  Yes, it's MY parking lot.  I took it as a sign that I just need to git 'er done.
• Snorkeling.  I've always wanted to go to Australia, so why not snorkel while I'm there and check out the reef?? 
• Take my family on a vacation.  I need to either trip and fall into some dream job, or win the lottery...but dammit, I'm going to do it!
• Visit Poland.  I know what you're thinking, "Umm...Poland? Is that safe?" Probably not, but I'd like to see where my family came from and experience the culture.
• Live somewhere other than the Midwest.  It doesn't have to be for the rest of my life.  It doesn't even have to be for three years.  I just need to move away so I can gain a better appreciation for where I come from.
• Crochet a blanket.  I've started two of them and never finished them.
• Host an international student.  How neat would that be? I think it'd be pretty neat.
• Maintain some kind of journal so that people can read about random junk that happened in my life.

What's on your bucket list?

J is for

Well it was supposed to be "Jokes" but I don't have any awesome jokes that will impress anyone. I probably don't even have jokes that won't impress people. Did that make sense?

I took it upon myself to change the word to Justification. Courtesy of Dictionary.com:

jus·ti·fi·ca·tion

[juhs-tuh-fi-key-shuhn]

noun

1. a reason, fact, circumstance, or explanation that justifies or defends: His insulting you was ample justification for you to leave the party.

2. an act of justifying: The painter's justification of his failure to finish on time didn't impress me.

3. the state of being justified.

Justification made some sense in my brain as a blog-worthy topic. I always find myself trying to justify everything I do. Why? Because I always want justification from others. I like knowing exactly why things happen and why people do the things they do. Obviously there are people who will just lie their way through every situation in their lifetime. But for those who are truthful, I think it may be a sign of strength to be able to justify their every move. Let me know if I'm wrong.

Justification may come into play once this alphabet challenge is finished...just sayin'.

And since today is technically my Monday, HAPPY MONDAY! Hopefully that doesn't make your week go any slower. If it does, blame me.

I is for

Interesting Facts About You

I like to think there are a lot of interesting things about myself, but maybe that sounds conceited.

Here's a list of things about me. Maybe they're interesting facts, maybe they're not.

• I love painting my toenails, probably because it lasts 4x longer than the polish on my fingernails.
• I am thoroughly annoyed by people chewing with their mouths open, smacking their lips, and making weird/moist/annoying sounds with their mouths. How is it that I manage to eat every morsel of food with my mouth closed, but you cant? Just something to think about...
• Spiders terrify me, snakes are a close second, the dark is a close third, and heights are a close fourth even though I've been on the Sears Tower and Empire State Building and loved every second of both occasions.
• I hate reading. Here's the irony: I write all this junk, and (a few) people actually read it. Ha.

That's all for now, folks! Don't want to spoil all the mystery.

H is for

Hairstyles

I've rocked some interesting hairstyles in my day. I've dyed it nearly every shade of red, half of it a bright fuchsia color, blond, dark dark brown that looked black for a while, various shades of brown, and blond highlights that looked more orange. My best memories are dying it twice in a 24 hour time period because I messed it up. I have permed it, straightened it, chopped it all off, spiked it, let it grow...rinse and repeat. How I still had hair after all of my experiments is beyond me.

On two separate occasions, at two different salons (which I'm not afraid to name: JCPenney and Regis) I got two really bad haircuts. I'm sure if you look at the pictures you'll think, "What's so bad about that...you look so cuddly and adorable as always!!" Yeah, no. I walked into the salons anticipating a haircut that would land me at shoulder length hair. After Edward Scissorhands worked me over, I walked out of the salon with chin length hair. How my chin and shoulders are one in the same, I will never know.

This is the first monstrosity, circa Fall 2007. I thought it would be cool if I got a fresh haircut since I would be starting college. Not exactly the way I hoped to start college: zero confidence. After this happened I told myself I wouldn't get an actual haircut for the rest of my life--only trims! Probably the worst part (other than paying for these terrible cuts) is that it goes through so many awkward stages when it is growing out. Do I just pin it back? Do I curl it? Do I do the ponytail trick everyday?




My hair grew out and I felt more like a girl again, felt a little confident.

Then I decided to get a haircut for another special occasion: My 21st birthday. I should have known it was going to be another mistake. Did that stop me? Nope! My train of thought was, "Ok, this time I'll go to Regis. Seems like a nice salon, maybe they'll be better than JCPenney." I made it clear to the nice young lady that I wanted my hair to be shoulder length, and I even told her about my previous terrible haircut. I took it a step further and emphasized how much I did NOT want it to be up to my chin.

Look where it ended up. My chin.

That time I was really done. No more hairCUTS, just TRIMS. And I finally found a salon that understands what people want. Buzz over to Facebook and check out Harmony Hair Design, shout out to Mel! For now I'm just rockin' the feather trend, which Harmony carries, FYI...Have Mel hook ya up!

Today's letter is...

G...I would hope by now you've caught on to how the alphabet works, but if not I can surely keep announcing which letter is next.

Growing Up
This seems like a rather broad topic. I like to think I grew up right, but who doesn't think that? Here's how I felt at each age, starting with three because I'm not some super genius that can remember emerging from the womb.

3: Today I'm going to play in the sandbox with my brother! And chase cats around the farm! And then ride my bike! And then eat! And then run for absolutely no reason! (that last one never caught on)
4: Still chasing cats and dragging them around against their will. All I wanna do is start school now, I'm soooooooooo excited! (that quickly wore off!)
5: Oh goodness, I'm in school now! I have my new backpack, crayons, and no I don't want to nap!!! Dammit! Must....run......around.........
6: School is still fun, I think I can read now.
7: Ok neat, now I can write! MOM!!!!! LOOK AT HOW PRETTY IT IS!!!!!!!!! Hang it on the fridge :)
8: Alright, now I'm sick of Mom dressing me...Seriously...and hopefully my permanent teeth grow in asap.
9: Really sick of Mom dressing me, and there's no way I'm smiling for this school picture...creep.
10: I am probably the coolest kid in my class because I got my ears pierced for a SECOND time! Scoooore! Oh....hi puberty..............my childhood has been ripped away from me. In the meantime I'll be a manager for volleyball and have everyone be mean to me.
11: I should probably keep moping around and dwelling on the fact that I hit puberty centuries before everyone else, and try to be ok with the fact that I look like a dead bloated deer with a terrible haircut. Oh hey volleyball! I think I love you.
12: Still love volleyball, middle school students are the meanest people on the planet. I am now fully away of how big my forehead is...........you shouldn't have.
13: Completely paranoid about my "fivehead". Hey cute boy, let's hold hands....OH MY!
14: High school, particularly a freshman, we are so awesome with our plastic bracelets and safety pins in our ears. Oh look! Another terrible haircut! It matches the braces I suppose.
15: Well I have my permit now, what a terrible tease. This is dumb. Seriously mom, I can just drive to the gas station, it doesn't matter......
16: Holy crap it's finally here! My license! I look like a complete fox in that picture...I better show anyone and everyone. I should also pull into the school parking lot with my music blaring so everyone knows how awesome I am.
17: Well this is a lame age...Can I buy lottery tickets yet??? Guess in the meantime I could sneak cigarettes to deal with it.
18: Smoking was dumb. And now I have graduated so I'm an overly experienced adult. The world should really watch its step.
19: Yay, I'm 19 and have survived a year of tech school, living by myself an hour away from home...I'm awesome.
20: Sweet lollipops! Where has the time gone?? Graduated tech school...now what? Might as well get another degree...here we go.
21: College sucks, but that's ok because I live with my boyfriend...just what I've always wanted, my life is complete.
22: Gaawwddddd I can't believe I lived with him. I'm going to the bar. Is college over yet???

F is for

Faith.

This can be a touchy subject unless you're me. I believe in unicorns, glitter, stars, rainbows, kittens, and lollipops.

Amen.

E is for

Embarrassing moment.

Being the witty, sarcastic human that I am, I actually find it difficult to become embarrassed. Or at least I know it has taken me a very long time to think of a time when I was truly embarrassed; embarrassed enough for it to stand out in my memory. There are times when I can't remember what people have told me, such as what they are majoring in. I know they have probably told me three or eight times, but I can't remember what it was for the life of me. That type of situation usually causes a weird little flutter of anxiety, probably just because I know they've told me...but my memory sucks.

The one moment that really stands out in my mind goes all the way back to third grade. Various grades in elementary and middle school participated in Jump Rope for Heart for the American Heart Association. I believe we raised money for the occasion and then had to jump for a certain amount of time. We had the option of jumping in memory of someone so naturally my mother and I decided I would jump for Gramps. For those of you that don't know who "Gramps" is...he was my mother's father, thus making him my grandfather. He was probably the nicest, selfless, funniest person I have ever known.

If I can remember correctly, the awards ceremony was held at the end of the school year. At that time we received our certificates for Jump Rope for Heart. When they called me down from the bleachers to get my certificate, they said I had jumped however long, and that I jumped for Gramps. Laughter erupted from the sea of people in the bleachers. I was so mad that they were laughing at Gramps! And of course because of the age I was, I was embarrassed.

But you know what? They never knew Gramps.

My buddy ol' pal passed away in April of 2010. In September 2010 I participated in the Heart Walk for him. And guess what? I wasn't embarrassed. In my head I was flipping off everyone that had laughed at me back in third grade.

D is for

Day in the life of me...

I don't think there's a typical day for me. During the school year my schedule looks something like this:

Class

Work

Class

Work

Work

8 hours of homework

3 hours of sleep

Rinse and repeat

During the summer it really doesn't look much different:

Class

Work

Eat

Work

Work

Work

Nap

Do nothing on the internet for a few hours

Feed ducks

Eat Mexican food

Sleep

Rinse and repeat

C is for

Car. Talk about your first car, the car you have now, yadda yadda.

My first car was my parents' '00 Oldsmobile Alero, in a sexy red-maroon color...two door...spoiler...I was hot shit. So naturally whenever my friends wanted to go somewhere, I wanted to drive! What a hot little car. Eventually the windows both quit working which we later found was a common defect in Oldsmobile Aleros, since the same thing happened to my brother's. The fuel pump also decided to go out. Let me tell you how awesome it was to only be able to use a quarter tank of gas at a time. It SUCKED. That got fixed in time. Then the head gasket went out, and apparently that's a common occurrence in V6's. If everything is so "common", why don't the manufacturers fix these things??

Because the 'lero kept overheating, and I was now moved out of the house, my parents decided it wasn't reliable enough for their baby. My brother stepped in and decided to be the awesome Big Brother of the Year and give me his Alero after he purchased a new car. Did I mention I love my big brother? For the last two-ish years I've been driving his 'lero, which is identical to the one I had, but it's silver, and most of the "common" problems had already been fixed. It's also two years newer. Fingers crossed this little car gets me through the next...however long...until I get a big girl job and can afford a new one. :) Boring, hope you didn't fall asleep.

B is for

Best Friend

Anyone who knows me would assume they know who my best friend is, and chances are they're wrong. (Sorry Megan!) I'm lucky to not only have one best friend, but two: my mom and dad. Awwwwww! I know. But here's why they are my two best friends:

They've always been there for me. They've been to every concert I played my clarinet in, every football game I cheered at, and every volleyball game I played in. They never missed anything that I was involved in, and I've always had their support from day one. Maybe there were things I did that they didn't agree with 100%, but they stood by me anyway. All the times I've moved? You better believe they helped me.

Not only do they support me, but I can go home, do nothing, and have a wonderful time. All I need is their company. I know I'm always welcome at home, and they would probably crap their pants if I moved back home. They're the strongest, nicest, most caring people I know, for many many reasons about which I could probably write a book.

I know I'm not as strong as they are, but I've learned so much from them and truly respect everything they are. Over time I have come to realize how lucky I am and how rare it is to be so close to my parents. This disturbs me in a way. Maybe some people don't realize how much their parents have done for them, or maybe their parents are just not as cool as mine. Who knows.

Doin' it.

Since I like to keep it random, I decided to dive into an alphabet challenge...how original. Let's see if I can actually do this for 26 days. Can't be that hard, right?

So here's the first one:

A: Animals... talk about any pets you have, had, or want.
Right now I have two cats who, in an almost disgusting way, are like my children. I like to think they're in foster care right now since they live with my parents. Now don't go thinking that makes me a bad parent! I just can't have them right now, and my parents were nice enough to take them for me for the time being.

The oldest of the two, Shnook (full name Shnookums; also goes by Shnookerdoodle, Shnooker, B**chface), I received as a gift for my 16th birthday (awww). She was the cutest little gray fuzzy-fuzz-mcfuzzball in the world. I regret not capturing her absolute cuteness. For the longest time she had the personality of a rock, and that's being nice. Always crying, biting, scratching, hating life in general.That all changed when the new kitty was brought home.

When Naughty (full name Captain Naughty Pants; also goes by Pants, Craptain, Sh*thead) was brought home, all hell broke loose in my parent's house. Thank all the powers in the world around us that she was declawed. She still has the clawing/claw sharpening instinct, so it's pretty hilarious to watch her go to town on the recliner. Despite true concerns that she is indeed Satan, I just love the little snot. She's too cute to hate.
Ohhhhh my little angels. :)

Good things come to those who are kind.

I have been working as a desk assistant for a year and a half. Over that amount of time I have realized that there are some interesting characters out there. Most of them assume that I have no clue what I'm doing, and others assume I can deliver the world to them. Neither of these assumptions are true, they are simply assumptions.

As for those who assume I don't know what the hell I'm doing, perhaps they should save themselves the phone call if they already have all the answers. By doing this, I could potentially save on Tylenol purchases. As for those who assume I can deliver chocolate-dipped Oreos (which sounds amazing now) on white unicorns with rainbow horns while playing the tuba, perhaps they should instead use their time exploring possible hobbies. There's no way I can play the tuba.

It's not all bad. I do sometimes have the sweet little old ladies who are grateful for every click I make. And on special occasions I'm able to get a laugh from questions such as, "Is this the library?" (When I answer the phone clearly stating that I'm Campus Information).

In a nutshell: If you are kind on the phone, you will see great results and your problem will be solved faster. This method was also used when I worked in a customer service center for sporting goods. If people were kind and understanding of the fact that the warehouse was located in Tennessee, while I was located in Wisconsin, then they had a pleasant experience on the phone with me. However, if they instantly get pissed that I can't walk to Tennessee into the warehouse and grab their order, then I'm going to be a smartass.

There are exceptions to every rule. If you are being kind and patient and all that good jazz, and the customer service/desk assistant is truly being ridonk, then by all means, get pissed. In the meantime, sit back and relax. Your problem will be solved, and you will survive without knowing the chancellor's personal cell phone number. You will also survive if you have to wait an extra day for your Adrian Peterson jersey.

Something to think about...

I just read the best blog, containing the best advice that I think everyone should try to follow.

The helpful tips and little life secrets can be found at:

www.yesandyes.org/2010/09/31-things-ive-learned-in-31-years.html

I like to think I have most of these figured out at the tender age of 22, but there are obviously areas I'm struggling in.

I have yet to find a hobby. Perhaps blogging could be that hobby if I can find enough things to write about. I suppose nobody really even needs to read it--as long as I'm happy writing!

I need to budget. Too often do I run out of money and am left scratching my head wondering where it all went...in a week. One small step I have taken is eating at home more which hasn't paid off quite yet, but I'm confident it will with time. Less Mariachi? Maybe.

More flossing. I don't floss nearly as much as I should. It's ok to be disgusted with that statement, because I'm disgusted with it.

Say no; make memories. In many instances, I have given up a little chunk of my life so I could work for someone. I'm getting better at saying no and respecting the fact that I do have a life and need "me" time as well as "friend" time. This doesn't mean I'm lazy, I still know how to work!

Quit worrying. Ohh the countless nights spent in bed worrying...for hours. About what? Anything. And everything. Maybe I should try writing it all down. It's worth a shot.

Eat better and be active. Probably the toughest one of all. I'm not even sure why it's that hard. Maybe because during the school year I'm constantly running around and just grab whatever is easiest to devour. I shall work on this.

Hopefully Sarah's blog gets you thinking :)