I think now is an ok time to discuss something I did a while ago.
Let’s take this whole thing back a few steps first: I haven’t had a meaningful relationship in quite some time, and quite frankly I was starting to feel like I needed someone to bond with. Roughly seven months ago I said to myself, “Self…you’re a fabulous person and you should share your fabulousness with someone just as fabulous. Go get ‘em tiger!”
This is where the story gets kinda funny and really stupid: I joined an online dating site. Yes, seriously.
I kept it a secret from my parents (like I’m 12 again) because I had a feeling they would straight-up scalp me if they knew I was meeting dudes online…in person. I also kept it a secret from my friends because if I thought the whole thing was silly, they would think it was even sillier. Is that a word? Anyway…
Covered in the slobber of my new found confidence, I went to town creating a profile, complete with my most dashing photos (so, like, 3?). In the back of my mind I was screaming “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” I called myself every name in the book. Did that stop me? Of course not! Now, I do not necessarily condone online dating activities, but I’m not totally against it. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Meet a weird dude, give him your phone number, he somehow finds your address, stalks you for a month, you end up dead in a broom closet at your local gym (like I work out…), then you’re on the news. I know, I know, it’s very real and I shouldn’t joke about it…
Soon enough my inbox was flooded with emails. No, I’m not saying this to make myself sound cool because honestly, anything I say from here on out is going to make me sound like a complete online-dating moron. They were, in a weird way, flattering. And in a flattering way they were weird…? Of course I got weird messages! That’s what online dating sites are all about!
Did I meet anyone? The answer is yes.
Did I meet anyone worthwhile? The answer is no.
For now, this is what my experience can tell you: If you’re looking for complete weirdos ranging from 42 year old sex addicts to insecure 20 year old llama owners, a FREE online dating site is the way to go.
To be continued…